I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
