Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
