Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Randomize
