I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
