Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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