My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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