Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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