i jhust puked up my retainher.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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