I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
