Porn is love you can see.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
