I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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