My nipple is on Facebook.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
