so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
