You work out of a Hotel?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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