rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
