This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
