No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
