Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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