Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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