I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize