yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
