Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
