alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
They took my balls.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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