He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
