her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
