My brain says no but my pants say off.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
