I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize