I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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