Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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