meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
