dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
