also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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