I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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