we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
