It's Friday. Sex?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
did i walk over a car last night?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
