I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
