I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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