The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
