I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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