Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
