i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
