oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
