Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
