when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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