Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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