conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Randomize
