I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
