I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
