even my farts smell like vagina
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
