last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
