you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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