drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Pants are for mortals
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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