I only kidnapped one of them. chill
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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