I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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