She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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