Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
