theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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