omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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