even my farts smell like vagina
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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