How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
