then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
