Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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