it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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