He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
