remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
