Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
