I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Randomize