What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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