I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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