when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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