Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
