Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
