I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
That accounts for only three of the penises
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
