Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
