I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
