Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
