I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My hand turned me down
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
